Yep. You read that right- two mommies. No we are not sisterwives that offer to cook each other dinner and allow our man to bed hop. We are two very different Moms that live two very different lives.
Years ago daddy was in a relationship that didn’t work out, from that he gained a son. A smart, truck obsessed little boy with an imagination that can turn a Mickey Mouse waffle into a garbage truck. Since then daddy and I have welcomed a daughter into the world, a few months early. She likes attention. We are now a family of four.
Having a blended family isn’t easy and sometimes it’s complicated. The hardest part is trying to explain to our three year old why sissy gets to stay home and “play” in our Pooh Bear/ Monster truck themed nursery full-time and Bubba can’t. He loves having two homes and his grandparents house in between. But as he’s gotten older he has developed such a bond with his little sister that when its time for him to leave us he simple says, no.
His mother and I are completely different people with two very different ideas of parenting. I am a full time stay-at-home mom and I adore it. She works a full time job, her dream job and I’m sure adores it as well. We don’t have much of a relationship and that’s okay. I wish I could say we were like those co-parenting moms on Pinterest that write each other long letters thanking one another, for reasons I can’t understand. We don’t do lunch. We don’t call each other. We simply exchange a slight smile and an occasional hello during our meet ups to trade off, Bubba. That 7-11 has seen more forced smiles than a woman on a blind date with a man that looks like a monkey.
She’s a single mom and I sure that comes with its struggles. I am a mother to not just one but two children and somehow in the middle of it I still make time for daddy. She’s budgeting for two people and I am budgeting for four. My days of parenting consist of me caring for my children with the help of daddy, from the time they open their eyes in the morning until they close them again at night. Our toddler is accustomed to hot breakfast and cooked meals throughout the day at our home. He has a very well thought out routine we follow each day. Then he goes to his mommy’s house and it’s different. He doesn’t get to stay home all day or be woken up by the smell of Mickey Mouse waffles in the morning. He isn’t always on a routine. Life isn’t the same.
I have respect for her as a mother, she works hard and I can’t discount that. Just because her life is different and her idea of parenting is different, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I’m not a better mom because I make waffles every morning or that I’m home full time. Our lives are different, but equally valuable. And equally difficult.
The idea of having a close relationship with her is far fetched. We don’t need to be friends and talk often to respect each other and to understand we are both doing the best we can, in a situation neither of us thought we would end up in. So many people get lost in the dramatics of it all. They feed off nitpicking each other’s lives instead of simply focusing on their own. I accept she will always be apart of Bubba’s life and I will always encourage his relationship with her. But I don’t see a need to force a relationship with a woman I have nothing in common with, besides the fact that our children have the same father.
In our son’s eyes our family consists of two babies, two mommies and one daddy. To him this is normal. This is all he knows and all he will ever know. He’s happy. So I’m happy.